


Season 9 Finale Prediction

by evilsmile171



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Multi, Sex Dreams, Slow Build, Violence, coping with alcohol, drunk!Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-01-24 21:08:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1617143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilsmile171/pseuds/evilsmile171
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prediction purely on my imagination on how this season finale is going to happen. I made it up, it's not spoilers (unless you haven't seen the last episode or the new trailer).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Season 9: Episode 23: Do You Believe in Miracles?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in a day so it's a little shoddy. I literally don't know what possessed me. The power of supernatural I guess. But anyway, first fic where i finished to the end. I really like how it turned out and it's all my opinion on what the finale is going to include. It's very loosely based off the trailer and other than that it's all from my head.

Season 9 Finale prediction

Dean glared at the dungeon walls. His hands were bound and his mouth was duct taped shut not for the first time that day… He knew he messed up and he deserved this. But the searing power pumping through his veins was making it hard to think. 

Gadriel killed Kevin. Kevin Kevin. He opened Eden to the devil…Gadriel almost killed Sam. Kill Kill Kill…

Dean shook his head. Why was he feeling like this? It was like after a hunt that had a few body counts. It was the high you get after hard liquor. It was also the sick joy he had when he tortured souls in hell. He had felt this feeling before but never had he be unable to shake it. But why was he resisting? He needed to cleanse the world of evil and Gadriel was definitely evil. Why was he even being locked up? 

He squinted at the dank floor in thought. Wait… how did he get down here in the first place? All he remembered was slashing the first blade across the angel’s chest, then hands holding him back… and then nothing. A big blank. He almost wished he had his whiskey to dull the itch to get up and do something. He wanted… to… kill… 

Dean took a shaky breath. He was losing his mind being down here for… how long has it been? He strained against the handcuffs on his chair. He had to get out of here. He needed the blade. It was his only safety if any more nasties showed up. It was like his hand was incomplete without it.  
The dank overhead florescent light came to life and pounded his eyes. The room was thrown into shadows before the bookcases parted. Cas in his new trench coat and Sammy with a bitch face walked through. Sam ripped the tape off of his mouth roughly. 

“Dean, do you know what you’ve done?!” Sam asked. “Gadriel is unconscious and probably dying thanks to you!” 

Cas stood behind him with a serious expression, arms crossed. 

“Sam give me the blade back.” He said threateningly, twisting his wrists around the chains.

“No.” Castiel rumbled. “You are not yourself. You just maimed our only ally and lead.”

“You don’t think I did the right thing? I ganked the guy who killed Kevin!” Dean said, straining his body against his restraints as hard as he could. “It’s not wrong to kill a monster!” 

Cas’ eyes flashed. “He was about to aid us. He was switching sides and who knows what kind of information he had on Metatron!”

“He was a monster!” Dean roared. “I’D DO IT AGAIN!”

“No Dean. Not without this.” Sam held up the blade. “You’re getting a detox. It’s time I returned the favor. C’mon, Cas.” 

As they turned to go, Dean’s eyes zeroed in on the blade. His heart started racing and he saw the blade quiver out of Sam’s hand. 

“What the-?” Sam looked at it confused.

Several things happened at once. Dean roared and his arms burst through the handcuffs. Sam tried to snatch the first blade but it flew to Dean’s side. Castiel shot forward protectively in front of Sam. Dean’s wrists were caught in the angel’s hold and blue eyes locked on to green. 

“Dean, look at me.” Cas said, straining against the immense strength that the hunter had suddenly gained. 

Dean just gritted his teeth and pushed harder. Castiel’s legs buckled and one knee was down. 

“Dean, stop it. It’s me and your brother.” Cas was pleading with him. 

Dean shook his head once like he was hesitating but then shoved Cas down and out of the way. 

Sam held his hands up. “Drop the blade Dean!”

Dean yelled, “MOVE!!”

Sam took one punch to the face and was out cold. When his brother crumpled to the floor, Dean could feel the power coursing through his blood. It was suddenly very important that he found Gadriel and gave him what he deserved. 

Faintly, he heard Castiel say, “Dean no…” 

When Sam woke with a start, his head thundered. He winced as he sat up too fast and felt like he was going to be sick. That was a strong punch. And his brother floored an angel. 

“Sam?” Cas called from the other side of the room. 

Sam rushed to his side. “Are you ok?”

“I think I just used up most of my grace…” he said in a small voice. “It’s burning.”

Sam looked at him in horror. “What does that mean?”

“It means I haven’t got that much time before I die… We need to find Metatron and Dean. Fast.”

“How long was I out?” Sam heaved the other man up and slung an arm over his shoulder. 

“Few minutes.” Cas stumbled forward with the hunter’s help.

“Do you think…” Sam was afraid to ask, “Dean found Gadriel?” 

“Let’s hope not.” 

But when they went to the room where they stashed the injured angel, there was nothing but blood smeared everywhere. Dean had indeed found Gadriel and was already long gone. 

Sam pressed two fingers to his throat but Cas knew it was too late. The fallen angel’s wings were outlined on the floor, the tips spread out from the wall to the ceiling.  
Cas felt a weight settle on his stomach. Dean did this. The Dean so focused on saving lives that he let a seal break years ago. The Dean who wouldn’t let Michael take control because it would torch the planet. And it was also the Dean who told him he’d rather have him cursed or not and that he needed him. Cas took a shaky breath and thought, it didn’t look like his Dean was ever coming back. 

“Sam… We need to find him.”  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dean felt powerful. More powerful than in years. He felt like all the anger over his brother, Cas abandoning him, and losing people he loved didn’t matter anymore. He had his revenge and he will have it again. 

He was covered in blood and was starting to get stares from the people in other cars. He was driving to the only place he knew would help him summon his next lead on Metatron. 

He was going home.  
____________________________________________________________________________

Cas drove his giant pimp car around with Sam frantic in the passenger’s seat. 

“Where would he go?” the angel asked, trying to calm him down.

Sam just shook his head. “I don’t know. It’s not like we have many places left to go.”

Castiel ran a red light and got a few honks but didn’t pay it much attention. 

“Is there anyone we can call to look out for him?” he urged.

Sam thought for a moment before flipping his phone out.

“Hey Jodi,” he said a few moments later. “Dean has gone rage monster and we don’t know where to look.” 

Castiel strained his hearing to hear the female say, “Where would he even go?”

“That’s what I was asking you. It’s just where would you go if you wanted to be alone and possibly ragey? Probably somewhere with a lot of alcohol… But that could be anywhere.” Sam sighed.

“Maybe try his gps?” she reasoned.

“Did that. Led us to the kitchen in the bunker.” Sam’s eyes darted around his surroundings. 

Castiel didn’t know what to do so he kept making a circle around the main road. 

“Ever since Bobby you guys got nowhere but the bunker…” Jodi said.

Sam’s eyes widened. “Oh my god I know where he is. Cas, get on that highway and gun it.”

_________________________________________________________________________

Dean knew he only had about two hours before his brother figured it out. It wasn’t a too bad trip seeing as he was used to driving the highways around the area. The purr of the Impala’s engine didn’t do much to quell his rage but it put his mind at ease enough for him to think. Even if he couldn’t find the ingredients in his trunk, it wouldn’t be hard to find. 

Dean rolled into the familiar junkyard and saw the weeds surrounding it with a pang. Bobby used to take good care of the place. And the monsters did him in. Dean wasn’t having any more of it. He knew that Bobby would have locked him in the basement until he researched the mark but Dean couldn’t wait for someone else to die. He needed to act. 

He set up the bowl of ingredients fairly fast. The dusty house held more than Dean thought it would. Even in death, Bobby’s spell ingredients storage were well kept. There was even a helpful liquor stained how-to note right on his desk. 

Dean lit up the match and watched the bowl burn. It was only a few seconds before a loud pop sounded from the other side of the room. Crowley grinned at him from the couch, probably remembering all the traps. It didn’t matter.

“Didn’t bring moose?” the demon growled. “Ah what a shame.”

Dean clenched his jaw. “Didn’t get the invite. Look Crowley-”

“Why did you summon me?” Crowley’s eyes radiated fear. “We got the big bad, I’m out of the bargain remember?”

“You’re never out. You owe me.” Dean snarled. 

Crowley stood up slowly and raised his hands in surrender. “Whoa… I’m just here to chat. Team effort, remember?”

Dean gave him a confused look. “What?”

Crowley was still backing away. “Dean. Put down the blade. I have information that could help you.”

Dean looked at his arm in confusion. Why hadn’t he noticed his arm shaking and gripping the bone blade? He didn’t even remember picking it up. He let it clatter to the desk with an exhale. 

“Yeah… talk.” Dean sat down heavily behind the desk. But he kept his eyes on the blade.

“You don’t look so good, mate. How many times have you killed with that thing?” he rasped. 

“I don’t know… it’s just I get this high and I wanna kill.” He admitted forcefully. 

Crowley shot him a puzzled look. “It’s the mark. The more you kill the better you feel…”

“Oh believe me I’m not done yet. Start talking.” He threatened. 

The demon sat down on the couch again but timidly this time. “My people have been keeping tabs on the little cherubs’ movement. Most of our darling Cas’ flock has fled to Metatron’s side. I know where he’s going to be tonight.”

Dean nodded. 

“I will be glad to give you the information in exchange for my release.” Crowley looked at him uncertainly. 

Dean looked at him for a long time. Then he smirked. 

“Oh I don’t think so.” He got up, blade in hand and slowly walked towards the edge of the room. “I think I’m going to poke you till you squeal and then save you for after I kill Metatron.”

Dean lifted the edge of the carpet which spanned the whole room to show the devil’s trap hidden underneath. 

“This how you treat colleagues then, hm?” he said dejectedly. 

Dean jutted his chin out. “This is how I treat monsters who’ve killed my whole family.”

“Ah c’mon! You can’t blame the whole cursed Winchester fam on me!”

Dean held up the blade, an obvious warning. 

Crowley took a breath. “Detroit. It’s always been Detroit mate.”

“Zap me there now.” He growled

“But-”

“NOW!”

Crowley snapped his fingers and the front door lit up. “Happy trails then…”

Dean nodded once and stalked through the door.  
_____________________________________________________________________________

Cas felt it. It was like the fires of hell itself were scorching him from the inside. His grace had maybe a day or less before it burned his whole body up. How wrong had he been to steal that grace. It didn’t even give him enough strength to finish Metatron. How was he going to stop Dean too? His heart hurt to think his hunter might be too far gone for even him to help. 

As they pulled up to the house, both men were edgy. The question now was why did Dean come here?

“Impala’s still here.” Sam grunted as he headed to the house. 

Castiel followed, searching everywhere for anything that might tell him where Dean was but saw nothing. 

When Sam got inside he frowned. “I could’ve sworn this would be it…” 

A raspy voice called out, “In here!” 

Castiel and Sam raced into the old study. Crowley was lounging on the dusty sofa looking pleased to see them. Sam started to move forward but Cas held out his hand. He then lifted the carpet to show a painted devil’s trap underneath. 

“Hello boys…” the demon leered. 

“Crowley.” Sam said. “What are you doing here?”

Crowley snorted at him. “Your psycho brother has finally gone all… well psycho. He summoned me and left me a few surprises…”

“What did he want?” Cas demanded.

“You don’t know?” the demon studied him. “Oh looks like our angel hasn’t been listening to angel radio…”

Castiel glanced at Sam before grasping the wall for support. He was breathing heavily too. 

“You good?” Sam asked out of the side of his mouth. Cas nodded. 

Crowley eyes got even wider as he watched the exchange. “Ohhh man this is too good. You’re not a real angel. By the looks of it, not even gonna be a pretend angel for much longer either. Where’s your grace mate?” 

Sam shook his head. Cas was the absolute worst liar ever. 

“Shut it Crowley. Tell us what he told you.” He shot back.

“Let me out first.” Crowley purred. 

“How do we know you won’t bolt?” Cas asked. 

“Let’s just say our squirrel has made several threats on my person. I’d be safer with you morons than on my own. Besides,” he added thoughtfully, “how will you even get there in time?”

Sam’s eyebrows raised. “You’re going to help us?”

Crowley sighed as he got up to face them. “Keep up moose. You’re going to stop Dean from being murderous and that’s in my best interests.”  
Sam looked at Cas doubtfully. 

“We have to kill Metatron. But I don’t want to side with him.”

The angel gave him a long look before saying, “I’d rather have all the denizens of hell on my side than to give up on Dean.”

Cas shakily tore the rug’s edge. Crowley stepped over it, radiating smugness. 

“Alright, Detroit we go.” He said cheerfully, gripping both of their shoulders.  
____________________________________________________________________________

The first thing Dean did when he got to Detroit was to head to the seediest bar in the area. The joint was, as he thought, bursting with more angels than an outfield. It was easy to tell, between the suit pants and the way they all held eye contact a tad too long, that it was angel city in here. 

Dean recognized the dark haired woman in the back as Cas’ second in command. He decided to hang on the wall. Hannah. Her name was Hannah.  
When he saw she was slipping out the back he headed around front. Dean cut her off in the alley. She didn’t see when he grabbed her slammed her face first into the wall. 

“Where is he?” he growled.

“Who? Dean?! Is that you?” she whispered. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t care. Metatron. Tell me where he is.” 

“Warehouse 19. Russell street.”

Dean let her go roughly. “Don’t breathe a word; I’m not messing around anymore.” 

He headed back to the street and broke into the first car he saw. The only feeling he felt was rage and it flowed through him so much that he could barely get the car on the road. He found the warehouse and left the car running in the street. 

The mark surged suddenly. Dean couldn’t think, all he wanted to do was to find Metatron and nothing was getting in his way. He barreled into the door. 

There were three guards advancing on him as soon as he got in.

He blinked and their bodies were splayed around him, wings imprinted on the gravel. Dean knew the blade was taking over and welcomed it. He knew his body would automatically react to the blade and for once, it was a relief to give in. It was a relief to let something else take charge for once…

The grimy space had water dripping everywhere. But no Metatron. Dean stalked forward cautiously. Then loud clapping came from his left. Metatron was advancing out of the shadows with a grin on his face. 

“Dean, Dean, Dean. What a dramatic entrance!” The small angel plodded forward. “Oh this is a surprise. Well not really but more of a surprise than this.” 

He gestured to the band of angels behind him and they left the room. When they came back they held a struggling Crowley, Sam and Castiel all in tow. 

Dean breathed evenly, trying to keep focus. Somewhere he knew he should be paralyzed with fear about that but he felt only molten wrath pulsating his very core.

“Don’t you wish you saw that coming? Your last hope, captured before any help was given.” The angel was smirking. 

Dean stalked forward and sneered in his face. “You think this is really going to keep me from killing you?”

“Ever heard of personal space?” he mocked.

“I don’t care who you hide behind ya sniveling coward. I’ll cut you to ribbons.” He threatened as he raised the blade.

Metatron laughed as he circled the hunter. “Oh Dean… What have you done to yourself?” 

“What needed to be done.” He snarled, keeping the angel in his sights.

“Well then you don’t excuse me if I kill a hostage?” he beckoned his minion forward. Dean saw that it was the girl he confronted outside of the bar holding a knife to his brother’s neck. What was her name? He didn’t really care now. 

Dean slowly looked from his brother’s fear stained face to the angel he was itching to put a blade in. He felt nothing but pure rage. Then he started shaking. The mark rushed power again and he heard gasps. 

Shaking hands were brought up to his face and he felt even more detached. But also whole, powerful and angry. A firestorm of hate swirled inside and it burst at the seams of his bones, too big for this mortal body. He tasted ash and sulfur on his tongue. 

As he smiled at his prey, his eyes turned all black. 

“Kill them all.”  
_____________________________________________________________________________

Castiel was dumbfounded. He had just witnessed the righteous man he pulled from hell on God’s orders, descend into a knight of hell. Oh how truly bad things had gotten. 

“What was that?” Metatron asked, surprised. 

The now demon Dean growled, “I said, kill them all. Kill everyone before I do because when I do… it won’t be merciful.”

The demon gave them all a creepy smile. 

Sam gave out a sort of strangled cry, “Dean… no!”

The black eyes lingered over their former brother’s. 

“Dean’s not home right now…” he mocked.

Metatron chuckled. “My, my. You have progressed quite beautifully. I was holding on hope you would last for a few weeks but c’est la vie!” the angel was backing away. 

Castiel realized the scribe of god himself had not planned for this. He was shaken and visibly scared. He wondered if Dean was still in there or if he was still playing Metatron. 

Dean raised his hand slowly and made a shaking claw gesture. Metatron fell to his knees immediately, choking and spitting up blood. 

“Bastard…” 

Dean laughed harshly then threw the angel across the room with a wave of his hand. 

“You bet your hot wings I am.” He gave him a mocking salute. 

Metatron got up and nodded at the angels behind Castiel. The angels started dragging their captives closer to the knight of hell who watched with an air of feigned interest. 

“Dean Winchester.” The scribe said loudly. “Please consider siding with me. I will give you many enemies to slaughter, including these. The men who held you back.”

Cas felt dread go through him. Of course this was the plan. The angels started pushing them towards the demon and made them kneel too close to him. Castiel didn’t know what was worse, being killed by Metatron or Dean the new knight of hell. 

Dean grinned disturbingly as he caressed Castiel’s cheek. “I will kill them, mark my words. Horribly. But… you first.”

He lifted his hand again and Metatron was being lifted closer to the demon. 

“What? No!” Metatron was visibly struggling to get away from the unseen force. “Please! I can give you heaven! I can control hell! Give me a chance!”

Dean scoffed as his hand wrapped around Metatron’s neck. 

“Sorry, no chance in hell!”

And he plunged his hand into the angel’s stomach, pulling out first his heart then several other guts. Dean tore open the angel with such precision; it was like he was looking for something. Dean ripped out a pure white gaseous thing from the angel’s chest and the angel started to scream. Finally Metatron’s eyes lit up pure white and it traveled to his mouth slowly too. 

Castiel looked away as Dean literally tore out his grace with his bare hands. The whole room lit up and Castiel watched even the king of hell look perturbed behind him. That was truly a gruesome way to go. 

Dean gave out a harsh laugh. “Well that was fun… Who’s next?”

Cas looked up in horror at him. “Dean… no. No more…” he pleaded.

“Shut up, angel.” Dean gave a blow to his head with a flick of his wrist. 

Cas saw stars and almost passed out if it wasn’t for the topmost terror he felt. The situation was very quickly going downhill and he could feel the fire beneath his skin growing hotter. 

“Dean don’t! He’s dying!” Sam cried. 

“I said don’t tell me what to do!” Dean rounded on his brother, shouting. “Don’t think I don’t know how this mark came to be. What do you think would happen if I killed my brother, the Lucifer vessel?”

Dean calmed down but grabbed the front of Sam’s jacket. 

“I would say it’s like it’s even made for it…” he whispered menacingly. 

Sam audibly gulped. “Dean no, please. It’s me. It’s your brother…”

As Dean raised the blade, Castiel made a decision. If Dean could get through to a brainwashed Cas a year ago, he could get through to Dean. 

“NO STOP!!!” he yelled. 

The demon looked at him with amusement.

“Take me first. You’re not going to hurt anyone unless you go through me.” He said forcibly. 

The demon looked around, looking for the joke. “Are… you serious? Or just suicidal?”

“I just want Dean back.” He stared into those black eyes like he had just yesterday.

The demon hit him over the head with the blunt end. That made him fly back a few feet. It wasn’t even a second before it was on him.  
“Don’t count on it.” It hissed as it hit him over and over. 

Castiel was too tired to do anything but give in to the savage beating. He knew it wouldn’t be long now… 

The demon seemed to be enjoying himself with his sick smile as the angel’s blood flecked his face. It wasn’t until it had his arms pinned under his legs did Castiel start to panic. Dean was going to be truly lost if he let him kill him. 

“Dean please don’t. It’s me, it’s Castiel.” The demon tore flesh open from his chest. Cas gave a small whimper. “I saved you. Please! I saved you.”

The demon just cackled and cut deeper. 

“I know this isn’t you. I know you’re in there. Please come back.” He begged.

The demon reached his hand inside of him, just like Metatron. Cas didn’t know if his stolen dying grace would kill him if Dean crushed it. 

“Dean no please-” Cas let off with a scream. 

Extracting grace felt like every vein in his body was being torn through the gash in his chest. Every nerve ending was on fire a million times worse than his burning grace.  
But instead of bursting into light, Dean crushed the grace in his hand and Castiel immediately felt the fire leave his vessel. The stolen grace was gone and with it the feeling of dying. He was human again. 

Cas gasped at the raw human pain that wracked his body. It didn’t hurt more than the burning grace had, but it was close. 

“Resilient little rat with wings, aren’t you?” the demon asked as it raised it blade for the killing blow. 

“No Dean wait… I need you too…I…” He took a deep breath, “I love you.”

The demon hesitated. It seemed an eternity before the first blade clattered to the ground. The black eyes faded into green and the man came back to life. Dean rolled off of him with a hand to his head. 

“Ughh… what…?”

Cas suddenly couldn’t breathe. The harsh breaths came out jerkily. He was dying again. But he felt nothing but joy that he saved Dean with his last breath. 

Cas pulled the man back on top of him by his shirt and surged forward to press his lips to Dean’s. The hunter froze and then slowly moved his lips back and forth on his own. He shivered when a tongue ran along the seam. 

Cas held on as long as he could but fell back to the floor. His vision was clouding but he finally did what he never thought he would have the courage to do. He could die at peace now.

Castiel, angel of Thursday’s final conscious image was Dean’s concerned green eyes. 

“Cas…?” he seemed to whisper before everything faded to black.


	2. Season 10: Episode 1: How Many More Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to my season 9 finale prediction. Basically my version of the first episode of season ten. Might do more, might not. We'll see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo yeah. Been a writing kind of fool these last couple of days. I felt like writing sort of a sequel to all of this. It's very kind of angsty. warning: If you're not really a fan of destiel or you haven't really watched destiel heavy episodes in a while, i'm sure this will be very confusing. And don't think I'm a genius, I really just copy/pasted most of their lines and added a few things. Next chapter will be more interesting i swear.   
> I'm thinking about making my own season 10. It's gonna hurt. It already hurts me. Next episode will be heavy on the hurting.   
> Also the title is a led zeppelin song that I liked and felt like it mirrored this chapter.

Call me the hunter, that's how I got my fame. Ain't no need to hide, Ain't no need to run. 'Cause I've got you in the sights of my... gun!  
How Many More Times, barrel house all night long. Well I've got to get to you, baby, oh, please come home. Why don't you listen to me, babe. Why don't you please come home?

 

“Hey! Whoa!”

Castiel looked at Dean with confusion. This was familiar? Why was this familiar? 

Dean held his hands up as he said, “"Last time you zapped me someplace, I didn't poop for a week. We're driving."

“Dean… What?” he asked. Dean walked to the impala and all Cas could do was follow. 

“Where are we going?” he asked but as soon as he got to the car, the scene sped up. He was outside on a sunny day and Dean was fixing his crooked tie. 

“And when humans want something really, really bad,” Dean said jokingly, “we lie.”

Castiel couldn’t hold back his, “Why?”

He knew what Dean was going to say next because he’d been here before. He just couldn’t place what was really happening. 

“Because that’s how you become president!” Dean gave him a smirk and put a FBI badge in his pocket. They were walking towards a police station. 

What was going on? Castiel followed but he thought very hard. Something about a demon? There was a horrific image of Dean with black eyes that kept popping into his mind but no… that couldn’t be right. He just couldn’t shake the feeling of being here already. He knew this town and he knew he had to stop Raphael but he remembered everything before it happened like it was… a memory? 

He hadn’t been paying attention. 

“Hi. Alonzo Mosely, FBI. This is my partner, Eddie Moscone.” Dean was saying.

Cas looked at him in puzzlement. Dean looked from the sheriff he was talking to and waited expectantly.

“Also FBI.” He glared at Cas. 

Oh the badge, right. He held it up upside down again and Dean flipped it with an irritated expression. 

He remembered why it was important to not spill angel secrets to the normal sheriff but he couldn’t stop his body from doing it. He wanted to shake Dean and ask him why he was going through this again but the scene started to speed up again. It slowed down to the two of them in that abandoned house.

“So odds are you're a dead man tomorrow.” Dean was saying seriously.

“Yes.” He didn’t want to say that. He wanted to ask what was going on.

“Well. Last night on earth. What are your plans?” the hunter asked. 

“I thought I’d just sit here quietly.” The words were forced out of him. 

“Come on, anything? Booze, women?”

Castiel looked into the hunter’s eyes. Oh that’s right. This was the night Dean had taught him how to live. He remembered the night now and smiled. This was a good memory. Why was he being, well… haunted by a good memory? It made no sense…

“You have been with women before. Right? Or an angel, at least?” Dean urged. 

Cas smiled a bit. Truthfully before this interaction, he’d never thought about it before. This was the first time he thought about sex and not long after sex with the hunter. It was all downhill from here. 

“You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?” Dean asked with shock. He didn’t seem to notice the different mannerisms Castiel was doing. It seemed he still had control over his body but the words still burst from him. 

“I've never had occasion, okay?” he almost laughed at his younger, naive self. This was almost pleasant, seeing Dean and himself before Castiel had broken everything he’d ever loved. 

“Alright,” Dean got up to get his jacket, “Let me tell you something. There are two things I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch. Let's go.”

Castiel stared at him a bit. His weird knowledge of pop culture references showed him two strangely colored puppets in his mind’s eye that he guessed were ‘Bert’ and ‘Ernie.’ Why would Dean bring them up? Was it a gay thing?

The scene started to shift again and they sped through the brothel and their weird interactions with prostitutes. It slowed to the hallway of the brothel. 

“The hell did you do?” Dean demanded.

“I don't know. I just looked her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault that her father Gene ran off. It was because he hated his job at the post office.” Castiel remembered the look on the prostitute’s face. And he remembered this whole scene. But why was he reliving it? He knew he knew why but he couldn’t seem to dredge up the memory…

“Oh, no, man.” Dean started to laugh. 

“What?”

“This whole industry runs on absent fathers. It's like the natural order.”

Cas remembered thinking about the both of them and how they had that in common. The thing was it wasn’t that hard to pretend it was real. It was all too real, from the scenery to the smells and even the touch of Dean’s hand on his sleeve when he saw the bouncers. 

“We should go. Come on.” Dean rushed him outside and down the stairs. 

When they came out on the parking lot, Dean started laughing. He remembered the look they shared and even though he didn’t get the joke at the time, Castiel had remembered grinning too. 

“What’s so funny” he asked.

“Oh, nothing. Whoo. It's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. It's been more than a long time. Years.” 

Castiel beamed when he realized he had helped the hunter. He remembered wanting to make him laugh every day since. He even remembered the next time he Dean laughed with him like this. He remembered this whole scene but something told him it wasn’t real. Why didn’t he believe it was real?

The scene blurred and sped up again. When everything slowed down, they were in the Impala.

“You okay?” Dean was asking.

Castiel said nothing.

“Look,” he said, “I'll be the first to tell you that this little crusade of yours is nuts, but I do know a little something about missing fathers.”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean every time I was looking for my dad when all logic said that he was dead, but I knew in my heart he was still alive. Who cares what some ninja turtle says, Cas, what do you believe?”

“I believe he's out there.” He said quietly. 

“Good. Go find him.”

This had meant so much to him. Dean gave him courage to search instead of giving up. This was the one thing he had thought about for months and even years after. 

The world grew blurry again and he was in a motel bathroom, watching Dean dampen a washcloth in the motel room sink and starts to clean his jacket. Dean saw him in the mirror and jumped.

“God!” he yelled as he thumped the sink. “Don't do that.”

“Hello, Dean.” Wasn’t this the morning before? Why weren’t these memories going in order?  
Dean turns around and Castiel was inches from him. Dean’s eyes raked from his eyes to his lips. 

“Cas, we've talked about this. Personal space?” he asked quietly.

“My apologies.” He mumbled. He felt the confusion well up inside of him, not for the last time with this hunter. Cas stepped back. Dean grabbed his jacket and walked toward the bed.

A whole new scene fell before him. It was the next week he remembered. He was talking into his cell phone on the side of the road. A giant truck just roared by.

“What? What? Did—I didn't—I didn't get that.” He was yelling into his phone, putting his finger in his other ear.

Dean was laughing on the other side. “You know, it's kind of funny. Talking to a messenger of God on a cellphone. It's, you know, like watching a Hell's Angel ride a moped.”

“This isn't funny, Dean. The voice says I'm almost out of minutes.” 

“Okay, all right.”

Castiel thought hard as he let his mouth say the words automatically. Why was he remembering those memories? They were all great memories but didn’t have much in common… except for the hunter. Why was his subconscious going through his memories of Dean? He wasn’t complaining but if this was some sort of supernatural monster’s idea of a trick , it wasn’t a very good one. 

Dean was saying, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, come on, man. I just drove like sixteen hours straight, okay? I'm human. And there's stuff I got to do.”

“What stuff?”

“Eat, for example. In this case, sleep. I just need like four hours once in a while, okay?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, so, you can pop in tomorrow morning.” He said in a sleepy voice.

“Yes. I'll just—” Dean hung up and he heard a dial tone. “—wait here, then.”

Castiel stood at the side of the road. He remembered waiting here all night. Then around one he felt Dean call out in distress from the future. He was puzzled but did what he always did, he zapped his charge to his side immediately. Dean turned around and fear turned to relief.

“That's pretty nice timing, Cas.”

“We had an appointment.” He smiled at the hunter. 

Dean put a hand on Castiel's shoulder.

“Don't ever change.”

Castiel remembered those three words which gave him strength every time he thought about them. He swelled up with pride. 

He was an angel but again this was not the way to torture someone. What kind of monster let his victims relive good memories? A dijin? No they gave you a whole new life. So what? 

Castiel couldn’t for the life of him remember anything else like this. There was something… he thought familiar about going through all these memories but he couldn’t place it. He felt like he should know. 

When the world went sharper again Castiel was watching Dean raking leaves in his girlfriend’s yard. Cas remembered he was thinking about teaming up with Crowley and betraying the hunter. He figured it wouldn’t matter because the man was happy. He was happier not knowing. Not even knowing that he loved him…

Another scene came into focus and he was disoriented by the fast change. There were flames licking around him. Holy fire. 

“Damn it Cas! We can fix this!” Dean was yelling at him from the outside.

“Dean, it's not broken! Run. You have to run now! Run!” he bellowed. 

The hunters ran out the door but Dean paused to look back. That last look Dean gave him of anguish was what he would never forget. 

Castiel was becoming impatient. He knew all of these memories why was he going through them. They were distracting him from remembering why he was here. 

Castiel looked over his shoulder at the hunter, pleading, “I’ll find some way to redeem myself to you.”

Another shift and he was Emmanuel, gazing up at the hunter who he had no memory of. Those green eyes triggered something in him and he knew he recognized the man instantly as someone he once knew. How could he not? Dean was not someone you could forget.

Another blur and he was in his hospital clothes and was in a cabin. This was before Dick Roman sent them to purgatory, he thought.

“I'm not good luck, Dean.” He admitted like his memory.

Dean shook his head, “Yeah, but you know what? Bottom of the ninth, and you're the only guy left on the bench... Sorry, but I'd rather have you, cursed or not. And anyway, nut up, all right? We're all cursed. I seem like good luck to you?”

Castiel stared at him. 

“What?”

“Well, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I detect a note of forgiveness.” He said with a small smile. 

“Yeah, well, I'm probably gonna die tomorrow, so...”

“Well, I'll go with you. And I'll do my best.” He said again. This time he caught Dean smiling slightly and nodding.

“Thanks, Cas.”

Castiel was just getting more and more confused. These were good memories being forced on him. He was reliving his life with Dean. All the memories were about him and Dean. Sometimes together alone and sometimes not. Why would anything want to torture him with good memories?

He was in purgatory and crouching next to a lake, washing his hands and face in the dirty water. Everything looked too bright and too dark at the same time. 

“Cas!”

“Dean?” he furrowed his brow and cursed his stupidity on staying here too long. Dean really was a great hunter. Dean hugged him with a giant smile on his face. 

“Damn it’s good to see you! Nice peach fuzz!” Dean ran a thumb across Cas’ chin. 

Cas remembered the anxiety of trying to stay away from him. He heard all his prayers but he just couldn’t be the angel the hunter deserved. He deserved to die horrifically here but he couldn’t stop listening to the prayers. It was the only thing that got him through.

“How did you find me?” he asked. He knew the answer but it wasn’t him controlling this. He also was very at peace with being controlled. This type of control was oddly comforting. He didn’t fight very hard to stop.

“The bloody way. You feeling okay?”

Castiel concentrated this time and found he could move around. Dean still responded like the memory and didn’t look from the spot he was supposed to be in. But Cas didn’t have to answer. It was a little strange to see Dean arguing with past Castiel and no one answering.

But when Dean asked, “You ran away?” he had to answer.

“I had to.”

“That's your excuse for leaving me with those gorilla-wolves?” Dean said angrily.

“Dean-” 

“You bailed out and, what, went camping? I prayed to you, Cas, every night.”

“I know.” He whispered.

It was like a script that he had memorized by heart. He didn’t need to concentrate on his words. What he did need to concentrate on was to break away from the script. He couldn’t relive all of this. Something was more important than walking down memory lane. But why?

“You know and you didn't... What the hell's wrong with you?” Dean’s face was covered in dried blood. His beard was a little longer than usual and he looked like he hadn’t slept for a month. He didn’t look different at all. Castiel concluded that it was really a memory. He even could smell the stink of the place. Why was he here again?

“We'll figure it out. Cas, buddy, I need you.” Dean held his arms out.

That’s why. He was reliving all of his favorite memories. And more specifically all the memories that made him fall in love with Dean Winchester. But why?

“Dean…” he whispered. 

“Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you. Understand?” The hunter asked.

“I understand.” He said. He wondered what would have happened if he ask him to stay with him. 

The next memory was Cas reaching for Dean through the portal out of purgatory. 

“Come on!” Dean held out his hand and Cas grabs it. “I got you! Hold on!”

“Dean!” the portal wind was whipping past violently.

“Hold on!” Dean was pulling harder.

Castiel broke Dean’s grip and shoved him the rest of the way through. “Go!”

The portal closed, taking Dean with it. It was just sad that this was what he thought a good memory was.

Castiel had wanted to break down here. He wanted to die here. He didn’t want to continue messing up Dean’s life. Why didn’t he just stop?

He knew why. He loved him and he would always put Dean Winchester first.

They were now both in a crypt and it was all Castiel could do to stop hitting Dean. He held a blade over the hunter. He remembered a demon Dean doing the same thing but questioned where that was even from. That wasn’t this memory at all. 

“We’re family. We need you.” Dean was pleading, “I need you…”

The angel blade slipped through his fingers. Dean gasped and doubled over in pain. Cas reached out slowly and the hunter gripped his wrist, flinching as if expecting more pain. That broke his heart. Cas cupped his cheek gently and healed everything that he broke in the hunter. He wished he could heal the broken trust as well. 

The scene shifted again and they were staring into each other’s eyes at a bar. This was somewhat recent. A year ago. 

“So this is it? E.T. goes home?” Dean was asking. Castiel squinted and tilted his head at him. His future-self remembered an alien going back on a spaceship. A movie? What?

He was glad he could finally understand the references but they still confused him. It would seem he would never get the answers no matter how hard he tried to find them in the hunter’s green eyes. 

Dean huffed in frustration. 

The next memory was new. It wasn’t something he had ever been present for but somehow it was there. Dean was in a church pew, praying. This was news to Castiel. He never minded but his faithless hunter barely even prayed to him right. Who could he be praying to now?

“Cas, are you there?” Oh… this was what he could have heard if he was still an angel at this time. So this wasn’t his subconscious or memories? Or was this just saved somewhere for later and he hadn’t realized he could access it until now?

“Sammy's hurt. He's hurt, uh – he's hurt pretty bad.” Dean’s voice waivered and his eyes were wet. “And, um... I know you think that I'm pissed at you, okay? But I don't care that the angels fell. So whatever you did or didn't do, it doesn't matter, okay? We'll work it out. Please, man, I need you here.”

Castiel felt warm tracks run down his cheeks. Why was he crying? His body seemed to know even if his mind didn’t. This was too much. 

Another blur and he was in a chair. A knife was ripped out of his chest and he faintly saw Dean stab April, the reaper who tricked him. Dean turns back to him immediately.

“Cas. Cas.” Dean shook his shoulders and his voice breaks. “Cas!”  
Dean holds both sides of his face. “Cas! No...”  
Sam regained consciousness and rose from the floor as Dean says, “Sam, he's gone.”  
Sam approached Castiel, quietly and solemnly. Dean looks up and saw Gadriel’s eyes light up bright blue. Gadriel kneeled down and gently places his hand over Cas’ chest. A small pure light starts healing his injuries. Dean’s face lifted and he was mouthing ‘c’mon, c’mon.’ With another bright white light, all of Castiel's wounds quickly healed themselves.

Cas saw all this in wonder. Gadriel saved him because of Dean. 

And then suddenly the truth hit him because he knew what came next. 

“Dean?” he called out. Dean rushed over to him. 

“Hey. Hey! Yeah.” Dean gripped his arm again. 

Castiel could have kicked himself. He didn’t know if it was his own stupidity making him forget or if that was a part of the magics of this place. 

Dean leaned over him and yelled, “Never do that again!”

Castiel felt like this was familiar because he had been here before. Many times probably. But more importantly he had just watched himself from less than a year ago just go to where he was right now. 

He was dead. He was in heaven and he was dead. He was reliving his life because he was in heaven and he was dead. He broke that promise of ‘never again…’

The memories of the demon Dean came rushing back. He remembered his grace being ripped out and the pain of his wounds. But most of all, he remembered what he finally admitted. And the kiss. He had finally kissed Dean… 

He would never see the real Dean again because he was human and he died human. The thought brought him to knees, sobbing. 

A hand rested on his shoulder. Castiel looked up to see two angels glowing from every orifice. When the light lowered, he saw Gabriel and Balthazar standing behind him. 

“Hello, brother.” Gabriel said with a grin.


	3. Season 10: Episode 2: Houses of the Holy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel meets some old friends in heaven. notes at end of chapter so to not spoil anything. also i was listening to more lz while writing it. enjoy! :)

Houses of the Holy  
From the houses of the holy we can watch the white doves go,  
From the door comes Satan’s daughter, and it only goes to show, you know, there’s an angel on my shoulder,  
in my hand a sword of gold

Castiel was shocked. They were all in the little gas station he had worked in for a few months when he was a human. His Dean was grinning at empty air and conversing to past him over the counter. He ached to answer him and pretend it was real. But then his two brothers were both smirking at him from the doorway. 

“Gabriel? Balthazar? What…? What’s going on?” he asked. 

Gabriel ruffled his hair. “Oh baby bro… When will you learn that I’m never gone for good?”

Castiel just stared. Balthazar pulled him into a squeezing hug. 

“Cassie!” he said as he lifted Cas off his feet. 

“Balth… just put me… you’re making it very…hard to breathe!” he groaned.

His brother put him down, laughing. 

“What is going on?!” he asked exasperated. 

“You’re in heaven, Cassie.” Balthazar said gently.

“No I know that, I’m not an moron.” He snapped. “I meant how are you two here right now?”

Gabriel smirked at him as he popped a lollipop in his mouth. “Did you think I wouldn’t keep in touch?” 

“I am very happy to see you it’s just I thought you both were dead… and…” Cas looked at Balthazar, “I killed you. I am so sorry, I killed you…”

Balthazar’s grin widened as he looked at Gabriel. “See I told you he would apologize. Pay up!”

Gabriel rolled his eyes and handed him a chocolate bar. 

“Cassie, I know. You were in a bad place. I was in a bad place. All water under the bridge!” Balthazar waved his hand at him as he unwrapped his chocolate.

Gabriel gripped Cas’ shoulder and looked at him seriously. “Castiel. We need your help. I know it would be a great rest of eternity torturing yourself over your little human here but we need you to come with us.”

Castiel gaped at him. “But how are you both even here right now?!”

Gabriel wrapped an arm around his neck and guided him out of the gas station. “Well let’s just say for self-preservation reasons, It’s a secret between me and a goddess.”

They were now on a long road and it was night. It looked like the one he used to drive on when he was human on the way to the Winchesters. 

“Where are we going?” he asked. “How did I even make it to heaven in the first place?”  
Balthazar scoffed. “Oh shut it. Even when you were the bad guy, you were always dripping apologies. I think the Easter bunny would have been a scarier villain.”

“Plus duh: sacrificing yourself to save your lover boy? Straight ticket upstairs.” Gabriel said, waving his green lollipop at him.

Cas just narrowed his eyes at them. “So I died a human and you two are angels again… how?”

Gabriel shook his head at him. “Oh baby bro. I told you! Secret! But basically I never died. I just sort of kept under the radar.”

Castiel looked at Balthazar as he said, “And this dingbat raised me soon after I bit it because he missed me so.” 

Gabriel blew him a kiss. 

“Okay bro…” Gabriel had his hands on his hips looking at the road back and forth. “Can you close your eyes and imagine a vehicle for me? It will help us to get us where we wanna scadoodle to.”

“It would help if you told me where we’re going…” he grumbled but closed his eyes and thought of his car he drove as a human. 

When he opened his eyes, the gigantic tan car was there. Every last detail of the car was the same. Even his little rosary hanging from the mirror in the front was still there. 

“Whoa! Is this a pimp car?” Balthazar asked with delight. “Shotgun!”

Cas smiled as he remembered someone else asking the very same thing. Gabriel got in the driver’s seat and Cas settled in the back. With a pang, he remembered that this was his seat in the Winchester’s car too. 

“Alllllrighty! Let’s get this rescue boat on the road!” Gabriel gunned it down the road. The trees along the road looked like the same loop over and over again. 

“Where are we going?” he asked again as Balthazar flipped through the static stations. One song blared:

CARRY ON MY WAAAYWARD SOOONNN, THERE’LL BE PEAAACE WHEN YOU’RE DONNNEE-

Gabriel quickly punched a button to shut it off. “Turn that crap off and stop messin around Balthy!”

“Sorry. And Cas, it’s top secret. Now that we’re out of your heaven, anyone could be listening. So quit askin!” he stuck out his tongue at him.

Castiel chuckled. As much as it hurt him to know he was dead and gone from Dean, he really enjoyed seeing his brothers again.

He wondered what the hunter would do now… Was he mourning him or did he even really stop the demon for good? He wondered if Dean even missed him. Castiel’s heart always ached a little when he was away from him. Now it felt like a giant gaping hole was in his chest. Somehow knowing he was dead for good made the edges sting a lot more now.

Balthazar turned to face him with pity in his eyes. “Cheer up Cassie. It’ll work out I promise.”

“I don’t… want to talk about it. Tell me what you two have been up to.” He stared out the window.

“Well…” Gabriel said over his shoulder, “Remember when you were captured by Metatron and you saw me?”

Castiel nodded at him through the mirror.

“Well… that was really me. The giant dick learned how to bind an archangel and used me to trap you. It was either that or have him use me to kill you so I figured what the hay.”

Castiel shook his head in amazement. They had both really been alive all this time. He felt like he was on a mission with his garrison again. He could pretend, at least for a little while, that he was the same angel before he met the Winchesters.

“Really,” Balthazar said winking at him, “you survived longer than anyone else. Kudos man.”

It didn’t make him feel better. Only more of a failure. 

“We’re here!” Gabriel said cheerfully.  
They got out of the car and he saw a small rundown bar. The sign out front read, Roadhouse. He squinted as he got closer. He had never been here before. 

Gabriel knocked on the door three times slowly. A short man came out and inspected them. He had a wild hairstyle and a cutoff plaid shirt. He looked like he was somewhat inebriated. Could you be inebriated in heaven? From the way he was swaying it looked like he could. 

“Name and proof please!” he said gruffly. 

“Balthazar, garrison anoche. I like martinis and blonde British men. I sunk and unsunk the titanic once… Oh and I died with a knife wound by this guy right here.” He pointed at Cas. 

“Gabriel, archangel, bringer of news. Trickster and I like chocolate cake, chocolate syrup, chocolate hot tubs, ooh and casa erotica pornos-!”

“Alright alright enough!” the man cut him off. “Is he it?”

Gabriel nodded as the man held the door wide open for them and ushered them inside. 

“Little nerdy dude huh? Well I’m Ash and this is my heaven.” 

The bar was packed with people drinking, people playing pool, people looking at maps and people dancing to loud music. Some of the profiles looked familiar as well…

“It may be your heaven but it’s still my damn bar!” a woman yelled from behind the counter. 

Castiel’s stomach dropped out as he recognized her. She gathered him up in her arms and said, “Hell it’s good to see you again.”

Ellen Harvelle let him go and walked back around the bar. He didn’t know what to do, he just gaped. 

“Remember me?” a Jo Harvelle came in from the back room to wave at him too. All the breath left his body at the sight of his two friends who died in battle years ago. 

“Hello…” he nodded at them, trying to keep up. 

“Castiel.” Another blonde boy said. He gasped as he saw Samandriel wave. 

“Hey idjit!” 

Cas turned to see Bobby Singer lope over and gather him in a hug. His eyes were not dry.

“What…?” he asked the old hunter who just smiled. 

“Been gatherin the troops, haven’t we? Heavens been shut down and we needed to do something… Hell half of us been itchin to get back in. Too boring up here.” Bobby explained.  
He had the same stained trucker hat, same gruff beard with patches of grey and same everything. He looked better than the last time he saw him. Cas’ heart swelled as he looked around. 

Pamela Barnes, the seer whose eyes he had once burned out by accident, waved. Rufus was in the booth opposite of her, a very small Kevin Tran was next to him and a gruff looking old hunter. Meg the demon was somehow at the bar laughing with another brunette woman. 

There were many people he didn’t know like the few women dancing to music in the back; a blonde, two brunettes and a redhead, a couple taking shots at the bar with a young man, a paranoid looking man on a laptop across from another boy with a laptop sharing a booth, two men drinking slowly at the bar, a woman with pointy teeth eying him slowly, Tessa, Anna, two other women and a man were looking at the giant maps on the walls, an Elderly woman was reading a thick book, and of all people, Naomi glancing away as soon as he saw her in a booth. There were others but then he spotted the two people who mattered the most. 

The last two people that he recognized took his breath away in awe. He only knew them from pictures but they were striding towards him with such adoration in their eyes that he knew right away who they were. His eyes filled up with tears quite a bit as Mary Winchester hugged him and John Winchester thumped him on the back a few times. 

“Oh Castiel. I’m so sorry.” Dean’s mother said into his shoulder. “Thank you for helping my sons. I knew angels were watching but I never expected…”

“She means thank you.” Castiel eyed Dean’s father as Mary drew away.

He looked happier in death than the few times he had seen him on earth or in hell. He guessed his wife brought it out of him. 

“What is going on?” he asked them.

Bobby raised his beer at this and said, “Like I said, we’re the cavalry. We’re gettin the gang back together. Sam and Dean are fighting on one side and we’re on the other.”

Castiel looked at Gabriel in wonder. 

“It hasn’t been easy, baby bro.” Gabriel shook his head as he surveyed the bar. “Some demons and vampires needed to be bussed from the other side because they’d died helping you nitwits. Some people just plain didn’t want to help. But after the whole apocalypse deal, I’ve been gathering people for info, little parties and such. Then when the gates closed we got serious. And someone came up with a better battle plan than me. This one’s too smart for this joint.”

A petite blonde girl shyly walked up to them. She slowly embraced Cas and said,  
“Nice to finally meet you. I’m Jessica Moore.”  
__________________________________________________________________ 

 

Castiel was overwhelmed. So many loved ones were in this room. He was surrounded by friends of the Winchesters. He’d been introduced to so many people but all he cared about was that they had all tried to help the Winchesters and still cared about them even after death. That’s all that mattered. 

A few people had iffy loyalties. Castiel glared at Naomi whenever she drew near. Gabriel said he had an eye on her but Castiel wasn’t sure about that one. Meg the former demon had been helpful in the past but she made most people uneasy except for former thief, Bella Talbot who introduced herself immediately to him. There were also the two vampires. Benny Lafitte who helped Castiel and Dean escape purgatory. And Sam and Bobby later on, he boasted. And another one named Lenore who said she just was tired of all the violence. He couldn’t blame her but questioned why she was here if she was looking for less violence. She seemed very cozy with Benny, however, which made Cas smile. 

He had a drink with Bobby and John Winchester who were happily introducing him to people.

“So Cas,” John was saying, “You and my boy, hm?” 

That caused him to slop half his beer down his front and gape at him again. Bobby smacked John on the back of the head. 

“Hush your mouth, ya idjit! He’s been through a lot.” Bobby said.

“What?!” John scowled at him. “I was just going to say it was about damn time!”

Castiel just stared down into his drink before saying, “I died before I could know if he felt the same.”

Ellen who had been listening from behind the bar gave them both a glare. 

“Oh Cas, honey. I think it’s time we showed you.” She led him by the elbow to a door behind the bar. A small store room held a few fluffy chairs, a computer and a giant screen TV. Jo looked up from where she was already sitting when they came in. 

“Alright, show him.” Ellen said and she immediately pressed a few buttons until the screen was rewinding back. Castiel frowned in confusion but didn’t say a word.

When the TV stopped rewinding it held a vantage view of Castiel getting beat up by demon Dean. He could see Jo wincing at some of the punches and slices he took to the face. This was incredible though, it was like someone was recording everything. 

Then he saw himself get mutilated and plead with Dean to stop. He almost turned away because it was too much. Then he saw himself drop the big L word. He studied Dean this time. 

The stunned demon dropped the blade and he could see tears rolling down his face. The eyes turned green again and he groaned. Castiel saw himself grab the hunter and kiss him hard. That was hard to watch. But it was even harder to watch himself die on a big movie screen. 

He almost turned away but Ellen put a hand to his shoulder. “Watch.” She said simply.

Castiel could tell the second he lost consciousness because he would have remembered this next part. 

Dean caressed his face and sobbed, “No! Don’t you dare! Not now! Castiel you wake up right now!”

Cas felt tears roll down his face and he started shaking as he watched.

Dean shook his shoulders and went into hysterics. “No no no no no no! Don’t go, come back please! I need you Cas!” 

Dean kissed him gently again. “I…love you too…”

Sam finally came over and was visibly fighting to get Dean off. He half dragged him away and started to check Castiel for a pulse. His eyes went glassy as he looked up at Dean and slowly shook his head. 

Dean broke down in agony and silent sobs wracked his body. Sam rubbed his back and cried too. 

Ellen hugged him and Jo patted his arm from where she said. There were no words. Cas watched as the people he loved back on earth mourned for him and it hurt like no other death ever had. He would rather be disemboweled again than to live through this pain. 

But Dean loved him. He said so and even though he was gone, Dean had tried to kiss him back to life. If anything else this is what was going to keep him sane. Castiel felt like he couldn’t feel anymore. It hurt too much.

It felt like centuries when Ellen finally let go. He sank into a chair. 

“What… what is this?” he finally asked, eyes not leaving the screen. 

“It’s a live feed Ash picked up on the Winchesters. It’s how we know what’s going on down there. We have round the clock guards keeping an eye on them. Gabriel sometimes intervenes just a little but mostly we check to see if we can reach out to anyone who’s… passed on…” Jo tells him as they watch Dean and Sam huddle on the floor. 

Ellen crouches in front of him. “Look at me honey.”

Cas tore his gaze away unwillingly. 

“I know it’s rough. I couldn’t believe it myself when Ash showed me. But it’s gonna be okay.” She gave him a level gaze. 

Castiel just felt numb. “He said he loved me…”

“Oh sweetheart. I know.” She gave him another small hug. “But we’re gonna see them again someday I promise. They got so much good in them, there’s nowhere else for them to go.”

“We’re gonna throw the biggest party.” Jo reassured him. 

“So don’t torture yourself. Okay?” Ellen patted his hand. Castiel nodded automatically. 

“I’m gonna need you to promise,” she said sternly. 

“I promise.” He let Ellen guide him back out to the bar. 

_________________________________________________________________

The loud music and harsh light made him cold. Like he was going into shock, but he was dead. It was just grief. Ellen gave him a small smile before pouring him a drink. 

“Here, drink.” She shoved a glass in his hand. He tossed the whole thing back and shuddered. 

“Ugh. What did you give me?” he asked as his throat burned.

“Oh only the strongest whiskey I have. I remember you drank me under the table last time.” She said innocently.

“Yeah well… human now. I feel dizzy.” He watched as the room spin.

Gabriel caught him as he started to slide off the stool. “Whoa, are you poisoning my brother?!” 

She just laughed a little. “I thought he could handle it. He did when he was an angel.”

“Yeah well… I’m cutting him off. I need him sober for this next part.” 

Castiel steadied himself by gripping the edge of the bar. Gabriel started handing him candy and water. He wished he could have burgers but he was grateful for chocolate all the same. Gabriel watched him like a hawk the whole time. After an hour passed, he felt stuffed and his mind was clearer.

“Alright I think you are making me fat.” He told the archangel. Gabriel just rolled his eyes. 

“Okay tough guy, one more meeting and we’re done, I promise. Then I will join you in getting good and drunk.” Gabriel led him down some stairs that seemed to magically appear. There was a long hallway and Cas couldn’t remember if the bar above was bigger or smaller than this hallway. A big metal door was on the end. It was padlocked and Gabriel unlocked it smoothly. 

Inside was a giant room which Balthazar and Samandriel were inside set up at what looked like a guard station. But in the center of the room there was a circle of holy fire and inside was Gadriel. 

Castiel looked at Gabriel in confusion. “Why is he in heaven?” 

Gabriel said unflinchingly, “He’s not. I brought him here. You gotta figure it’s better than where he should be. Besides,”

They walked to the edge of the flames and Gadriel mirrored them. His neutral expression gave nothing away. 

Gabriel spoke up again, “We need information.”

Gadriel sneered. “I died for your cause before, why should I help now?”

Castiel gave him a grave look. “Because it’s the right thing to do. Metatron is dead. You’re dead. I’m dead. Nothing matters now.”

Gadriel looked surprised. He might have been kept in the dark since he got here. 

“You wanted to help before,” Cas continued, “The angels are still fallen. They’re mortal and dying without heaven.”

Gadriel frowned. “I’ve been locked up for most of my existence and shunned by the other angels.”

“They’re still your species. Do you want to be the reason there is no more angels left? The reason why there is no more heaven?”

“Could I leave?” he asked tentatively.

Castiel looked at Gabriel. The archangel crossed his arms. 

“Only if heaven is restored. And I will not make you an angel again. You’ll be stuck in heaven on the mortal side forever.”

Gadriel nodded. “A good offer. Better than hell or on earth even.”

The man sighed. “I know opening Eden was my fault. But I was tricked. I was also tricked with Metatron. He promised me forgiveness and said we’d help heaven… But all he made me do was kill people. I truly hated it. All I wanted to do was help... To redeem myself. It’s why I came when Dean prayed. And it’s why I brought you and your friends back to life, Castiel. I’m sorry.”

He looked at Castiel with such sorrow that he believed it. 

“Did he ever tell you about the spell?” Gabriel asked. 

Gadriel nodded. “Heart of the offspring of human and man, a Nephilim, a cupid’s bow and the grace from an angel in love with a mortal man.”

All eyes turned to Castiel. He was just as shocked as the rest of them.

“Metatron knew?” he asked.

“Of course he knew.” Gadriel replied offhandedly. “I was in Dean’s brother for five minutes before I knew.”

Cas looked at everyone, astonished. “Was I the absolute last to know?”

Balthazar sighed. “I think I told Dean you were in love with him the first time I met him…”

Gabriel shrugged, “Hate to break it to ya bro but anyone with eyes could see it…”

Castiel thought back to Naomi making him practice killing fake Deans and his followers asking him to choose between them and Dean. He couldn’t hurt Dean either of those times. He fell because of him and died countless times. He killed members of his own species protecting him… He reasoned it was kind of obvious…

“Anything else?” Gabriel prompted from Gadriel. 

He hesitated before saying, “He said that the spell would be broken if the fruit of Adam consummated as well as the components consumed. I don’t know what it means but he told me over and over. It was important.”

“Thank you Gadriel.” Cas said tiredly. 

When they were outside, Gabriel asked, “Do you think he’s telling the truth?”

“I think so.” He said. “I mean those were the ingredients Metatron made me gather.”

“And why else would he need your grace?” his brother nodded. “Okay one last trip and then we can come up with a battle plan.”

Gabriel led him into a door on the right and Castiel stopped short when he saw who was inside. 

Naomi stood up as they came inside. Her expression was unsure. Castiel just glared at her. 

“What is she even doing here?” he demanded.

Naomi flinched. “It’s not like I had anywhere else to go. My job prevented my soul from going to any other realms. Believe me I am only here because a pig-headed archangel threatened me.”

Gabriel grinned. “That’d be me!” 

“Gabriel, what could she possibly say that would be useful here?” he asked him.

Naomi frowned. “Oh Castiel. I was helping you fix heaven!”

He got in her face as he yelled, “You had me kill thousands of Deans and then tried to force me to kill the real one! You made me kill Samandriel! You mind controlled me and all the other angels!”

The former angel just glowered and didn’t back off. “I was only following orders. The manual says to wipe and reprogram when angels go rogue. So I did what I’ve done for centuries. What I’ve been doing to you for centuries.”

Castiel started forward but Gabriel held him back. “Whoa! Okay! Now that we got everything out in the open, let’s focus back to the problem at hand…”

Cas let out a long calming breath. For Dean, he kept thinking, for the rest of the angels.

“So Naomi, when did you exactly know Metatron wasn’t fixing heaven?” Gabriel asked.

She straightened her suit jacket and pursed her lips. “When I tapped into his mind.”

“Yes? And?” he prompted.

“I still see it as an act of treason to give out heaven’s secrets.” She replied haughtily.

Gabriel looked at Cas exasperatedly for a moment. Then when he turned back his whole vessel lit up with a golden light and his imposing wings furled out in an impressive show. His eyes glowed gold and the room was suddenly too bright. He seemed to be growing taller and Cas knew if he was on earth, his vessel’s eyes would burst from their sockets. 

Naomi cowered as Gabriel’s voice thundered, “THERE IS NO HIGHER AUTHORITY THAN AN ARCHANGEL! I AM THE LAST ONE! TELL ME WHAT GABRIEL MESSENGER OF GOD WANTS TO KNOW OR BE SMITED!”

“Okay!!! Alright!!!” she yelled as held her hands up “Metatron’s mind told me it was a spell and that heaven was his for the taking. He wanted to kill every last angel and appoint new ones that would only be loyal to him!” 

Gabriel’s golden light shone brighter as he boomed, “WHERE DID HE GO WHILE HE WAS HERE?!”

“I don’t know I swear!!” Naomi cried out.

“WHERE IS THE HIGHEST PROTECTED OFFICE HERE?”

“My…My office! I’ll take you there! Just please leave me in peace!” She almost wept.

Gabriel went back to his human vessel and the light went back to normal at once. He smirked at Cas. 

“There now, that wasn’t so hard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew! so this chapter was a giant head cannon i saw on tumblr. i had to do a lot of research about the dead good guys and it took a while! all of the people i mentioned in the bar have names and hopefully i didn't forget anyone. if i did then let me know and assume they are there already or i'll add them later on. But if you were confused i put the names in order since Cas really hasn't met a lot of them. 
> 
>  
> 
> (Gabriel, Balthazar, Ash, Ellen and Jo Harvelle, Annie, Meg Masters, Madison, Sarah Blake, Daniel Elkins, Ronald Resyznc, Andy Gallager, Isaac and Tamara, Victor, Benny, Meg the demon, Bella Talbot, Lenore, Corbett, Kate Mulligan, Tessa, Anna, Gwen Campbell, Henry Winchester, Gertrude Middleton (Charlie), Naomi, Mary and John Winchester, Jessica Moore)


	4. Season 10: Episode 3: Ten Years Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has become obsessed with research. Not in a good way either....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so i'm going to admit, this chapter hurt to write and edit and think about. When it makes the writer want to cry, that's when you know it's bad. Just saying, Cas' last Thursday :( 
> 
> Ten years gone is just a song name, don't get worried. This all takes place on the day of the first chapter to three weeks later. 
> 
> also: TRIGGER WARNING: coping with death with alcohol, feelings of hopelessness, grief etc...

Ten Years Gone  
I’m never gonna leave you, I’m never gonna leave,  
Holdin on, ten years gone,  
Ten years gone, holdin on, Ten years gone

Dean Winchester took a long look at the sunset over a lake somewhere near Pontiac, Illinois. They buried Cas on a Thursday, later that day after his death. It was in the same spot where he first raised Dean from the grave. The giant fallen oaks around it still made a massive clearing but there were newer trees growing all around. Soon evidence of the angel who saved him would be gone from the world. 

The Winchester brothers buried him at noon and Sam said a few words. Dean just kept on doing what he always did now, which was drink a bottle of jack and say nothing. 

Sam tried to talk to him but Dean just stormed off into the woods. He didn’t want to hear anything for the next 24 hours or even the rest of his life. Every few minutes his phone would buzz until eventually it shut off. It didn’t matter, nothing did now. 

At sunset he came upon an abandoned farm which had a dock that overlooked a small lake. Dean found a fishing pole and dangled his feet in the water. This reminded him of a dream Cas gatecrashed one time. It was both painful and relaxing to pretend like Cas was standing over him again. 

Cas had said he wanted to tell Dean something in that dream. But when he found him again, Castiel told him that he served heaven and not Dean. He never did get what the angel wanted to tell him out of him. 

There was so much that Dean didn’t know about Castiel. And now that he was gone it was so painfully obvious Dean didn’t really ever bother to get to know him that much. He never told him what it was like to live for millennias or even how old he actually was. He didn’t know any of his favorite human things because he never really got around to teach him anything. He never taught him how to drive baby, he never asked how he learned to drive at all. Cas never told him what heaven was like or even how he managed to drag Dean out of hell. Was he scared that he never found God or was he up there with him right now? And the most painful thing he never knew about the angel was that he loved Dean. 

Dean took a shaky breath. No one had ever said that to him. 

Well okay so his Mom probably did when he was young but never his Dad. Not even Sammy or Bobby. They just didn’t express their emotions like that. Maybe some psycho chicks told him that but he always walked away from them all. 

Always the adios, he admitted one time to a group of strangers. But this time he wanted to stay. He never let himself admit that Cas was more than family to him. But he was beloved by him and he made it very clear that he would die for him but he never let himself think farther than that. 

Obviously all the staring and the personal space issues were bound to mess with most people. And sure that one time Cas got out of purgatory, he asked Dean how he looked and Dean couldn’t answer because of the raging boner he was trying to hide. And okay sometimes thoughts of the angel would crop up in the shower when he was taking care of himself. Maybe every morning…

Dean hoped Cas knew. He prayed every morning that somehow, the angel with no idea what a star wars was, picked up on what Dean didn’t even know until it was too late. 

He hoped Cas knew how much he needed him. How every day hurt worse than the day before. He wanted to forget but nothing let him. He saw a tan trench coat everywhere he went. He would wake up in the middle of the night with another realization of what Dean never got to show him about pop culture. He was organizing his weapons trunk when a black feather floated to the ground. He made a new necklace with that and now wore it everywhere. 

Dean threw the fishing rod into the water in frustration. There weren’t any fish or anything left for him here. Cas was never coming back. Not after his demon self destroyed the one friend he had left. He got up to leave just as the last sliver of sun went down on Cas’ last Thursday. 

He started to walk back to the grungy hotel that Sam insisted on getting. Dean didn’t even originally want anyone to come with him but Sam argued that Cas was his friend too. 

All he wanted to do now was to curl up drunk in his car and run his fingers over the silky feather he had around his neck. 

When he finally stumbled back, he pulled another bottle of jack from the trunk (he kept four on his person everywhere he went now) and fell heavily on the back seat. He drank the whole bottle very quickly and caressed his feather necklace. 

It felt like as soon as he closed his eyes a loud knock made him reach for his gun. But it was just Sam with his big puppy dog eyes looking concerned. God he hated the concern. 

“I jushh wanna be leff alo…” he slurred when his brother opened the door. 

“I know Dean… but there’s someone here.” Sam pulled him out of the car and slung an arm over his shoulders. He half dragged his brother to their hotel room. 

When Sam dumped him face first onto a bed, Dean saw a figure watching TV from the couch on the other end of the room. Whoa not TV, porn. He could tell that was porn even if his vision was blurred because of the cheesy music and moans.

“Hellooo Deano!” a familiar voice said. “Wow. Not looking well are we? Not that my brother is any better…”

Dean squinted up from his stomach at the man. “Gabriel…?”

“You betcha!” the angel replied cheerfully. 

“Wha…” Dean thought hard for a second and stood up unsteadily. Sam tried to push him back down but he fell to the floor and still tried to get at Gabriel. 

“Give him back!” he yelled as Sam shoved him back on the bed. “Please, I’ll live in TV land… play my role… anything…”

Gabriel paused. “Well that’s a tempting offer but no can do kiddo… The gates are closed remember? Only an archangel can get through. And it even drains my batteries for a few days too. Can’t bring no one through either.”

Dean buried his head in his arms and tried not to cry. It was even worse now that he got his hopes up. It was like Cas was dead all over again…

“What do you want, Gabriel? I hope it wasn’t just to torture my brother.” Sam said harshly.

“I need your help. We’re working from the other side of the gates as hard as we can but we need researchers. Don’t have the right books in heaven.” Gabriel said while unwrapping a lollipop.

“Who the fuck’s we?” Dean slurred. 

Gabriel said gently, “Everyone. And anyone you’ve ever saved or been friends with. And with some forced help from Naomi and Gadriel.”

“Cas?” Dean asked hopefully.

Gabriel nodded. “All the usual suspects. We all want to help but we need you two too. But I have conditions.”

Sam glanced nervously at his brother who only stared at the archangel like he held all the secrets. 

Gabriel went on, “First Dean please clean yourself up. It’s gross to watch someone from earth on a giant HD TV drink himself sick.”

Dean just rolled his eyes. 

“If you do it, I’ll make good on promise number three.”

“What… second one?” he asked stupidly. 

“Second one is to work hard to figure out how to open the gates to heaven. No jobs unless I tell you to, no giving up.” The brothers both nodded at this. 

“And third,” Gabriel looked Dean in the eyes as he promised, “I am going to bring Castiel back. I swear on my dad, you’ll see him again.”  
_________________________________________________________________________

Sam sighed as he shut his book. It was 5am and he had just read through the whole men of letter’s collection in under three weeks. It didn’t help much. He was about to go to bed when he saw his brother passed out on a table, piles of books all around him. 

Sam didn’t know if this was good for Dean or just giving him another unhealthy obsession. The good news was that Gabriel gave him something to do other than drown himself in alcohol. When Cas first died, Dean resorted to drinking himself sick. But the morning after Gabriel showed up, Sam found a few dozen empty bottles in the sink. 

But his brother would never sleep. Sam would always urge him to sleep at a normal hour but he would have to wake him up from the library the next day. They started sleeping in shifts so that Dean could research while Sam was asleep and vice versa. It was easier than having Dean sneak out and find him drooling on the books. 

Dean wouldn’t eat either unless Sam watched him. He wouldn’t even leave the library so Sam was forced to bring him sandwiches and burgers and bothered him until he ate something. He tried to make his brother come with him to his favorite diner in town, just to get some fresh air but Dean would only grunt and keep working. Sam even set down a pie in front of him and he didn’t even give it a glance. 

Not to mention when Gabriel wrote down the ingredients for the spell, Sam was very afraid to show Dean. He didn’t let him look at it until he sobered up the next day. When Dean finally read the last ingredient, he just left the room. Sam was about to follow when a loud slam came from the direction of his bed room followed by a loud ‘FUCK!’that reverberated through the bunker 

Sure Sam had noticed all the staring and personal space issues Cas had with Dean. He had been the third wheel for years after all. But he never expected Dean to reciprocate. And he never thought Dean would seem so… helpless after the whole ordeal. It reminded him of how his first week without Jess went…

Sam felt like he was taking care of someone who didn’t want to be taken care of. He knew Dean didn’t mean the sullen silences but Sam just wanted to talk about it. He knew what it was like to be so far gone that he killed someone he loved. Between Gadriel killing Kevin, being the devil, countless possessions, the demon blood and having no soul; Sam had a lot more experience in this area than his brother. 

“Sam please! I’m trying to read!” he yelled one day when Sam tried to urge him to take a break. 

“Okay but you’ve been up for like five days straight, Dean!” he yelled straight back. 

“So what?! I’m trying to help… Gabriel.” He said flipping a page. 

“No you’re trying to bring back Cas!” Sam said angrily taking the book away.

Dean looked at him with such pain in his eyes it took Sam by surprise. 

“Don’t you ever talk about him again! Don’t you ever say his name to me!” he said through gritted teeth.

“Okay but man… You gotta start taking better care of yourself. You’re not gonna make it till next week let alone help anyone if you don’t start slowing down.” He said gently. 

Dean just stared blankly at him. 

“Besides,” he went on, “I don’t think any of these books have what we need to know…”

Dean gave him such a hopeless look that Sam immediately felt bad for saying anything. 

“I just meant that we’ve been at this for weeks. Don’t you think we would have found anything if we were going to?”

Dean swallowed and looked down. “I can’t just… give up.”

Sam sighed. “I’m not saying that. I’m saying maybe we need another approach.”

“Like what?”

“Well…” Sam scrambled for Kevin’s notes on the tablet. “Like I was thinking, maybe we need to ask an expert.”

Dean just looked more confused. “Like who?”  
“Well… Kevin’s gone now and… I was thinking maybe we should be finding the new prophet.” Sam hedged.

Dean looked impressed. “Okay but where do we even start to look for him? Her? ”

“I found some freak anomalies. I mean power outages, sudden lightning storms, a bright spotlight at night coming from the sky; everything. But get this,” Sam handed him the pages he printed out on the internet this morning, “look where all of this has happened.”

Dean’s eyes widened. “You wanna go back to Chuck’s house?”

Sam nodded. “I mean think about it, Dean. There is definitely angelic presence there and we never found out what happened to him. I mean not really…”

Dean was nodding and getting up. Sam took that as a good sign. 

“Okay let me grab my coat. I’ll drive.” Dean said.

“Maybe… I should take the first shift.” Sam said.

“What?” 

“Don’t wanna wreck our only wheels. You catch some shut eye and I’ll wake you when I get drained.” He responded.

It was sign of how tired he really was when Dean agreed.


	5. Season 10: Episode 4: Nobody's Fault But Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam find some help from someone they thought was dead...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so whoa! the real finale is finally coming up. I feel like once we see how wrong i really was with this fic, all my inspiration is gonna dry up. So i've been rushing to edit and post it all before then. I've been writing for almost a week straight, non-stop. This is a new record for me. And sharing it online? Even more of a milestone. 
> 
> but yeah time for some comic relief along with porn. enjoy :)

Nobody's fault but mine   
Trying to save my soul tonight  
It's nobody's fault but mine

Sam didn’t wake him until they got to Chuck’s house. Eight hours wasn’t really that long for someone who did cross country trips professionally. Plus it was so good to see Dean out of the bunker and not surrounded by books that Sam didn’t even have the heart to wake him for gas station breaks. It started pouring rain the last hour but it didn’t matter. Dean slept on.

When Sam rented a hotel (not the red motel like last time) was when he finally shook his brother awake. 

“My turn?” he groaned.

“Dean you slept through the whole trip. It’s like 10pm.” 

“Oh…”

The brothers took their normal duffle bags in and called for pizza. Sam offered to go on a beer run but Dean just looked at him darkly. 

“When do we start checking the place out?” he asked as soon as they finished dinner.

“Uhh well I guess tonight would be stakeout night.” Sam responded.

Dean drove them over to the familiar white house. Sam gave him a weird look. Everything looked normal. 

“Dude, look at the mailbox.” Sam said.

“Yeah? It’s got nothing in it.” 

“Exactly. He’s been missing for four years now? No one sold the place and no obituary. But the mail is still getting picked up and the grass looks like it’s recently cut?”

They got out of the car, guns drawn and Dean went to the door cautiously. Sam gave him their ‘go ahead’ nod and Dean kicked down the door. 

“Anyone home?” he called loudly, swiveling the gun around.

“Sam? Dean?” a voice said from the top of the stairs. 

Both brothers pointed their guns at the figure and it gave a shout. 

“Whoa whoa! Guns down! Guns down!” he waved his hands hilariously. 

Sam leaned over to Dean, “Is that… Chuck?”

“Yes! I can prove it!” the bathrobe wearing prophet came slowly down the stairs, hands still over his head. Dean held out a knife and Chuck cut his arm. Still suspicious, Sam handed him the bottle of holy water infused with salt and borax. Chuck poured that on his arm and nothing happened. 

They lowered their guns after that. 

“Chuck you’re alive?!” Dean asked with astonishment. 

The shorter man rubbed his eyes. “Yeah well, sorta.”

“What do you mean?” Sam asked. 

“Well I know I’ve been gone for awhile but I don’t remember anything.”

“How can you go four years with no memory of what happened?!” Dean demanded. 

Sam gave him a weird look. “Are you even still… you know a prophet?”  
Chuck put a palm to his forehead as he said, “If this migraine is anything like the last…ones…yes…”

He fell to the floor and Sam ran to his side. He was breathing but just out cold. Sam looked at Dean with uncertainty.

“Is this a vision?” he asked. 

Dean just shrugged and shook his head. Then Chuck’s eyes flew open with a gasp. 

“Oh… oh my god you guys. What the hell…” he asked with fear. 

“What did you see?” Sam wasn’t sure he wanted to know. 

“Um… well to be honest… a lot of nudity…” Chuck looked uncomfortable. “But also an all-out war.”

“Between who?” 

“Demons, Angels, monsters, humans you name it!” he said. He got up and headed to the kitchen. 

The brothers looked at each other in confusion before following. Chuck was rifling through his cabinets before finding a large brown bottle. 

“Okay wanna elaborate?” Dean asked. 

Chuck just took a swig from the bottle and winced. “I don’t know how to tell you this so you don’t screw it up, but uh you need to get heaven open asap.”

“Okay duh.” Dean said while rolling his eyes.

“No like it needs to be open yesterday. Because since the caster of that spell is dead, so is the gateway.” Chuck said seriously.

“No it isn’t? We just saw Gabriel a few weeks ago.” Sam said with confusion.

“Well there’s not many places an archangel can’t get into. But it’s been deteriorating ever since it’s been held open with that spell. Now that you killed Metatron, it’s closed to everyone.” Chuck sighed. “Even to the dead.”

“What?!” Dean said panicking. “What do you mean closed to the dead?!”

“I mean,” Chuck took a long sip of his whiskey before saying, “that reapers are angels too. They can’t get people to the other side anymore. So it’s either purgatory or hell. Doesn’t matter who, the whole systems screwed.” 

Dean’s heart plummeted. “But… did…Cas?”

Chuck looked at him with surprise. “Oh yeah, no. He’s up there trying to fix it too. Don’t worry. But that’s kind of weird. He’s the last one to get up there and he shouldn’t have been able to get up there in the first place…”

Dean felt relief mixed with some sort of frustration. If he was in purgatory or hell, Dean could get him out. But he was glad the angel was not being tortured or hunted. 

Sam tried to change the subject. “So do you know anything about how to open the gates again?”

Chuck thought for a moment. “I would if I had the angel tablet…”

“Could you maybe take a look at Kevin’s notes?” Sam asked.

The prophet nodded. “That could work.”

While Sam left to get the papers from the trunk, Dean sat at the table. 

“So you really don’t remember anything?” he asked finally. 

Chuck shook his head slowly. “I remember Cas being blown to bits and Zachariah forcing me to tell them where you were. Then…I woke up a few days ago on my floor. That’s all I got.” 

Chuck offered him a glass but Dean shook his head quickly. Chuck gave him a weird look. 

“What?” he asked.

“Well…um. It’s just you and Cas…finally uh kissed?” he said awkwardly.

“And now he’s dead so it doesn’t matter.” Dean said harshly. 

Chuck coughed. “Well uh…”

“Just spit it out! What man!?” 

“Well uh… the nudity I was talking about?” He took a big breath before saying, “Well it was you two.”

Dean stared. 

Chuck babbled on, “I mean it’s ok I’ve written visions like that down before, don’t be embarrassed or anything… Usually it’s more Sam than you recently so it took me by surprise… and with the gay sex, that was kinda new so-!”

“Chuck please shut up!” he begged him.

The prophet seemed to be chugging the whiskey now. 

“But gates are closed… and I killed him…” he stammered finally.

Chuck patted him on the shoulder. “Something tells me death ain’t gonna be enough to stop you two…”

Dean did not get his hopes up. He never put much stock in predictions. Sure Chuck’s predictions were usually pretty accurate but he never got Sam’s night with Lilth right. So there was a chance it might not come true. Right? He wasn’t sure…

But if he was being honest with himself this was kind of the light at the end of the tunnel for him. Chuck had a vision he would see Cas again. The words ‘you will see Cas again’ definitely was being echoed through him over and over. 

Sam handed over the notes and Dean left them to it. He was a little tired of the research binge he had been on for the past few weeks. He went for a walk. 

Usually when his emotions were in turmoil like this, he would head to a bar. He hadn’t been near alcohol since the day Gabriel had shown up. But he promised Gabriel that he wouldn’t go overboard anymore, not that he would quit cold turkey. And if he was being honest with himself, he really needed a drink after all of this.

He went to the nearest bar and ordered one beer. 

After admitting that he loved Cas, it was not that hard to start admitting other things about himself. But…gay? That was a big step. He didn’t know if he could ever stop seeing himself as a straight guy. Maybe he could just be the not all the way straight guy…

But something about Cas just got under his skin that in a way that no one else could. It might be that he helped him find faith in something again. Or it might be that maybe he’d been this way all along and the angel just brought it out of him. He didn’t know.

The fact that Chuck had a vision of them having sex was… well scary. But it brought out some good feelings too. It was so confusing. It was just too much to think about. 

Dean could have kicked himself. What did it matter right now? Cas was still dead. And it was all Dean’s fault. If anything, if he and Cas ever saw each other again, Cas should stab him. Not have any sort of romantic feelings toward him. 

He sighed. That beer went down too quick. He looked at it again and couldn’t decide. Gabriel promised to bring Cas back if he was good about drinking. That was a good enough reason to not to. But Chuck’s vision? It was too much for sober Dean to handle. 

“Buy you a drink?” A blonde woman smiled at him suggestively. 

Dean might have said yes once upon a time. But when he looked at her, her eyes weren’t quite blue enough. He shook his head no and turned back to his empty beer.

“Or would this be more your style?” He turned back curiously and saw a complete copy of Cas sitting next to him giving him the bedroom eyes. 

“What the hell?” he said angrily.

The copy of Cas shifted and Gabriel was sitting next to him with a smirk.

“Sorry, couldn’t resist.” 

“Yeah? Well fuck off Gabriel.” He replied as he started to get up. 

Gabriel snapped his fingers and his barstool felt like it was glued to his ass.

“Gabriel! The hells your problem?!” he yelled as he struggled to get away. 

The archangel sighed. “Oh Dean-o. You and my brother are my problem. Your sorry asses are so mopey lately that I can’t stand it.”

Dean resigned to stop struggling. He pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Look I was just leaving. I wasn’t breakin any promise okay?” he said. 

Gabriel just rolled his eyes and motioned for the bartender to come over. He ordered some shots of vodka. 

“I’m not the alcohol police. Go ahead and drink. I just thought you could use a drinking buddy.” He said while splitting the shots evenly between them.

“Just let me up?” Dean said.

“Not until you drink with me first okay?” he downed the first shot. 

Dean exhaled in frustration and drank his shot too. When they had both finished their shots, Gabriel ordered a dozen more. 

“Look I know this whole, killing your boyfriend deal is some heavy stuff but Dean c’mon. Lighten up buddy.”

“Just shut up Gabriel. We are not having this conversation, not now. Not ever okay?” Dean shot back angrily. He was also feeling a little fuzzy.

Gabriel didn’t say anything more until they finished six more each. 

“Okay I told you I would bring him back though. So why are you still walkin around like some wounded puppy?” the archangel asked. 

Dean held his head in his hands. “I don’ know man… between you and Chuck’s visionnn…”

Gabriel’s eyes lit up at that. “Oooh what vision? Spill!”

“No! Mind your own damn business.” 

“Here drink some more.” He pushed several more shots at him. 

“…okay.” And he downed five more. He was definitely feeling was drunker than he wanted to be. 

“Soo about Chuck’s vision?” Gabriel asked him sweetly. 

He held a finger up to his lips. “Shhhh it’s a secretsh…”

Gabriel didn’t bat an eye. “I won’t tell…”

“Me n’ Cashh… doin it… I don’ I can’… Ima GAY VIRGIN!” he bellowed that last part with a blush. 

Gabriel almost choked on the shot he was taking. The whole bar seemed to be staring now. This was all going so according to plan. 

Dean tried to hit him and missed. “But no y’know? I like…looove him. And he’s gone…”

Gabriel patted him on the shoulder. “Buck up there. Not gone for good. I promise.”

Dean looked at him, eyes glassy. “But… I messh it up.”

Gabriel didn’t know what to say to that. “Yeah…you kinda did. But it’s okay. You killed me once too and I forgive ya.”

“Doesh he hate me?” Dean asked in a small voice.

Gabriel tried not to laugh. “No man. He spends more time watching what you do on earth than he ever did when he was alive. Which was a lot because…whoo… stalker! I mean he was. Still is.” 

Dean cracked a smile at that he leaned over the bar. His necklace dangled out and Gabriel grabbed it. 

“Whatcha got there?”

Dean tried to grab it back but missed again. Gabriel smiled slowly at him as he realized it was the same black with a tint of blue that Castiel’s feathers were. Boy did Balthazar owe him big time for this. Dean not only loved Castiel but he was like full on teenaged pining over him. 

“So…” Dean started to say but stared into space. 

“Sup man?” Gabriel let go of the feather and looked at him with concern. He looked suddenly sober, which wasn’t good.

“How is he?” 

Gabriel frowned. “He’s… uh… well not that great.” 

Dean nodded sadly.

“But he’s meeting all your friends.” He rushed on to say, “Your dad seems to like him and Bobby drinks with him every night. So it’s not like he’s alone up there…” 

The hunter smiled softly. “He deserves heaven…”

Gabriel agreed with him there. 

Dean sighed, “I’m never gonna see him up there am I?” 

Gabriel looked at him in horror. “Is that what this is all about?”

Dean didn’t say anything. 

“Look man, you did a dumb thing… but I’m willing to be you did it for a good reason?”

“To kill Abbadon.” 

“Okay so yeah no. You’re not going to get bypassed. You saved the world, Dean. You and your gigantor brother. I don’t know why you two love pity parties so much but I’m not having it okay?”

Dean just frowned. 

“If it makes you feel any better, you got a lot of people up there to vouch for ya… Including an Archangel.”  
_____________________________________________________________________

Sam was overworked and tired from the eight hour drive. He didn’t know where Dean was for the last five hours but he had a pretty good idea it involved alcohol. Which wasn’t a good idea…

“Chuck is the whiskey really helpful right now?” Sam scolded. 

“It helps me think so yesh.” The prophet grumbled as he pored over the papers and took notes. 

He called Dean again. Oh this couldn’t be good. He thought Gabriel’s promise was helping. But honestly, he had no idea what was actually going on with his brother anymore. But he promised he wouldn’t go overboard...

There was a loud burst of laughter that came from outside. Sam tore open the door to his brother and an archangel giggling and rolling around on the front lawn. 

“What the hell Gabriel?” Sam said. 

Gabriel shot up and accidentally kicked Dean in the stomach. Dean groaned.

“I was…justh drunk buddy.” The archangel tried to explain. 

Sam looked at him in irritation. How much liquor does it actually take to get an archangel drunk? 

“I thought you wanted Dean to stop drinking?”

“Well…yeah. But no, I was provin that… he spill his guts… yeah…” Gabriel thought hard and then had to sit down.

“What?” he asked.

“That Dean…does who?” Gabriel looked at Dean.

Dean’s eyes lit up and said loudly, “CAS! I looooove Cassss…”

Sam started laughing. This was so great. Gabriel had accomplished what Sam could not. He got Dean to talk about feelings. Sure he was incoherent but it was a start. 

Dean looked up at him sadly. “Oh… but I…did bad…”

Sam did not want him to think about that right now. He started helping them both up and dragged them inside. 

“Okay you two morons, in ya go.”

He dumped Gabriel on Chuck’s couch in the living room. Dean got an armchair. Sam figured Dean needed less sleep since he slept all day. 

“Both of you sleep it off. Got it?” he said. 

“Yes mom.” Gabriel giggled. 

Sam just rolled his eyes.   
______________________________________________________________

Dean felt fuzzy. Like he wasn’t sure where he was. It was dark and his mind struggled to keep up. 

“Dean…mmm.” Someone moved on top of him. He felt legs straddling each side of his thighs. Hands stroked his face. Then he felt lips press against his own. Stubble rubbed against his cheek. 

“Cas…?” he breathed and Dean could barely make out the man above him. 

“Dean… I missed you.” Cas’ deep voice whispered. 

He started to roll his hips so agonizingly slow against him. Dean couldn’t think straight. Cas’ tongue licked its way into his mouth. Dean he let out a low groan. 

“Gonna make you feel good.” Cas started rutting harder against him. The friction of skin on skin made it that much hotter. Dean couldn’t take much more of this. But when Cas started stroking both of their penises together, he knew he was a goner. 

“Oh God!” Dean gasped as his back arched, “Don’t stop.” 

The other man stroked them twice more before he spurted cum all over them both. Cas wasn’t long after and he collapsed on top of him, breathing hard. 

“I love you Dean…” his angel whispered to him.

“I love you too Cas.” Dean hugged him tighter. “Come back.”

“Help me come back…” he said, brushing his fingers through his hair.

“I need you here man.” Dean was crying. 

“I’ll be there soon.”


End file.
